Ohhh it has been too long since I've worked my blogging fingers. (And in a mobile post no less) I've done so much since I last wrote here, I started college, almost got a job, watched a close friend move away, hoped a closer friend will move here, fought and cried and laughed and sort of lost my marbles. Literally.
I haven't written much in terms of poetry or prose because of school. That saddens me a little but I always roar back to life with a new surge of creativity. I've written several papers for 101 which my professor has happily ripped to shreds, told me I got the point but my skills basically suck. Then again she hasn't given anyone a grade over a B-...
My faith in my capabilities has been restored. I was going through a period where I didn't believe I could do it. I didn't believe I could conquer my inner demons and get rid of the weight I've been carrying around that's dragging me down. I can do this. I will do this. It might take me a while, I don't want to lose it too fast I just steadily want to go down. I just want to be healthy, and I want to be confident. I've realized that sometimes I can act confident. I feign confidence well, but when I sit here alone at my desk I realize just how much of a wuss I am because I'm scared someone will judge me. That's not me, I'm supposed to be Andreana the Brave. Andreana the Courageous. Not "Andreana, is going to hide under her desk now.." or ... "Andreana, doesn't want to go out today because she feels like a failure."
It's just so not me, and I'm tired of it. I want who I am on the outside to reflect the awesome person on the inside. Not cushion it, not create a protective barrier of loneliness, I want to EMBRACE it. So today is the day I change my life. Today is the day I stop telling myself I can't and start DOING and believing that I can.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
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