Who Said What Now?

I'm drowning in a sea of pretentious bull shit. No seriously, someone throw me a floatie or something? Why are people so stupid? ALSO, why does no one have the hutzpa to tell them they're stupid? If I could I'd scream it over a loudspeaker in the center of the Great Lawn in Central Park, spreading the message, "HEY IF YOU'VE GOT A FRIEND WHO'S A COMPLETE AND UTTER DOUCHE BAG MORON AND DOESN'T KNOW IT PLEASE INFORM THEM ON MY BEHALF, YOU CAN SEND THEM BACK HERE TO ME I'LL BE WAITING." Then When they get there I'll quickly and surreptitiously stab them in the face with the only weapon I am ever armed with, a spork.

Do not inform your friends, relatives, acquaintances, priests, teachers, school mates, lovers, ex-lovers, and or children that I will be wielding a spork a spork attack is most successful when not predicted. If you give away my secrets I will hunt you down and kill you till you're dead. Clear? Capiche!?!?! capiche.

If you would prefer to tell them yourself in hopes that your amazing kindness will somehow show them the light and force them to pick up a book and read for the pure enjoyment of doing so by all means give it a shot. . . Please do have a spork ready and waiting in case their reply begins with, "You're kidding right," "Dude, you're such a newb," or the ever-popular, "Gawd you're such a dweeb."  . . . . . . IN case of dweeb calling stab in eyes first, Dork is acceptable even Nerd is acceptable. . . Dweeb is unforgivable. 

In the event that you'd like to prolong said death by spork bring a straw instead and trache the person with it, breathing haphazardly into the straw when you feel they need some air. . . 

The real point of this is to just please, please for everyone's sake let someone know when they're stupid. It's only fair to at least let them have a friend tell them than to realize themselves

Thoughts On A Survey

So, I fail at being who I was. 

I had a conversation yesterday, and it was about how sometimes you need things to fall apart so you can grow. Whether you want to or not. Life just takes this big emotional heap and piles it on top of your head,(Maybe in hopes that you'll come to the surface and sell yourself to an art gallery. . )and says hey guess what, now you get to deal with all of this. Oh, and you have to try and figure out what the fuck is going on. GOOD LUCK!

I'm thinking that some people choose not to grow. They choose to remain selfish and childish while their friends "mature" and leave them in the dust of adolescence. Dusty areas are a horrible place to be, trust me I lived in a desert for three years and they like to have things called dust storms. Sooooo not fun. Maybe, in choosing not to grow they're holding themselves back(most likely) Maybe they're one of those people who don't think they can make a difference anyway. Whatever the case may be, they don't particularly care.

Now, I'm not saying you have to "grow up" in order to grow. I find that the best way to grow, is to keep the mentality of a six year old. Be fascinated by all the new stuff you can learn soak it up like a sponge and enjoy doing so. So, while I may say "Yeah, I'm 6." What I really mean is, look at the world like you did when you were a child. Everything is so amazing and beautiful and new and fresh. Don't let it bore you. Let yourself get immersed in a book, in a fantasy, in a movie. Whatever. Losing that fascination, that drive and that willpower is the saddest thing that can happen to a person in my opinion.

For a while now I did lose sight of that mentality. Slowly I'm realizing that things need to change drastically in my life but right now, this very second I need to wait. Wait I will, impatiently and vehemently,(like any good six year old) but I'll wait. Not too long though. Any longer and I might just lose my marbles. Not that I had any marbles in the first place.

I guess what I'm trying to say is. . . Does anyone want to play Hungry Hungry Hippos while I wait??